Where Have I Been You Ask❓

No, I didn’t give up on writing. I had fibroid embolization surgery on April 11, 2019, and have been recovering ever since. Now just to prepare you for what I’m about to explain, the recovery time for the surgery is ten days, and the incision is tiny (less than an inch). It has been over a month and yes I’m still kind of recovering. Boy, do I have a story for you!

Why I Needed Fibroid Embolization Surgery ✔️

Fibroids, are like roaches! You get rid of one, and two more come. My gynecologist said the only options I have left are fibroid embolization surgery or a hysterectomy. A hysterectomy would have been risky due to my previous bowel obstruction, so fibroid embolization became my only option. I’ll give you a cheat sheet on my trials and tribulations with fibroids.

  • Symptoms
    • Painful and heavy periods lasting 14 days to a month
    • Severely anemic requiring multiple rounds of iron infusion
    • Fibroids grew so big they were pressing down on my bladder and couldn’t fully empty it, causing UTIs
    • Uterus the size of a second-trimester pregnancy
    • I’m sure I forgot something so think of the worst fibroid symptoms not included above and fill in here __.

Fibroid Removed Three Times

  • The first removal
    • no issues but formed scar tissue
  • The second removal
    • Fibroids removed had grown back bigger than the first
    • Caught pneumonia in the hospital and went to the ICU
    • Nurse tortured me, hallucinated from morphine, formed more scar tissue, stayed in the hospital for two weeks
  • The third removal
    • Fibroids removed had grown back bigger than the second
    • Belly blew up like a fat guy at the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest
    • The fibroid removal surgery caused the bowel obstruction (scar tissue got mixed with my intestine). I went to the ICU for the second time.
    • Bowel obstruction surgery (they took out a bunch of intestines) left me with a zipper stomach that had to be unzipped a few inches due to an infection
    • Unbeknownst to me, left the hospital with 3-inch long by a 3-inch deep hole in my belly. You could see my insides
    • Smelled like raw ground beef, stayed in the hospital for two weeks for the second time, had to learn how to walk again, hurt on and off for two years
  • They are back again – Fibroid Embolization Surgery 4/11/19

Well, It Started Out Fun 🙄

The actual surgery day was a lot of fun. My friend Hebel took me there. I didn’t think my Mother needed to go. I didn’t know It was a big deal based on my consultation with the doctor and what I had read but leave it to my ass or rather my uterus to kick things up a notch.

Lightning Bolt ⚡on my Vag

The last time I did hair removal on my cooch; I got a super itchy rash, so I vowed to let things do what they do. The cute Latin male nurse said he had to shave my Vag, so I told him to go for it. Okay, he didn’t quite make a lightning bolt, but that’s the story I’m telling!

Let’s Shrink and Kill Them ☠️

I was under local anesthesia like at the dentist. I hadn’t slept the night before out of nervousness, so I had a nice nap but woke up now and then to see what the medical staff were doing. The doctor used a real-time x-ray to guide the delivery of medicines to the uterus and fibroids. These medicines block the arteries that provide blood to the fibroids causing them to shrink and die. After that, I wasn’t in any pain. They discharged me with prescriptions for Percocet (for Pain), Aleve (for Inflammation), Senna (for constipation), and an antibiotic (to prevent any infection).

My First Ride in an Ambulance 🚑

I woke up around 6:30 PM feeling like my uterus was being pulled through my intestine and then being pulled through my pussy (if you can think of something worse then use that instead and insert here_____!) I called Mommy crying like a baby. She said, “I knew it, that’s why I didn’t go to sleep. I’m on my way”. The pain was getting worse and worse by the minute. Mommy gets here, and I’m crying and can’t move. She calls the ambulance, and off we go to the hospital. I like the triple-A treatment you get when they wheel your ass off the ambulance. [Mental Note: call ambulance next time I need to go to the emergency room]. BTW, when I got to the emergency room, I passed by a lady high off drugs with her pussy out. Anywho, my discharge papers said if my pain becomes unbearable to go to the emergency room for stronger medicine and Mommy gave that to them because I was busy crying.

My Descent into Crackheadness 🥶

I’m Your Momma, I’m Your Daddy, I’m that Sucka in the Alley!
Full disclaimer, I’ve had the good shit so I know good drugs! Hee Hee. Not many non-baseheads can say that……….and fuck you assholes that want to tough out severe pain drug-free. No, I’m not talking about street drugs. I’m talking about pharmaceuticals you get in the hospital after major surgery. Give me all you got and then some. Give me the button and I’ll press it until you wrestle it back out of my cold trembling hand. I kind of sound like a crackhead, right?

Morphine is a Helluva Drug! What is This? 😠

The good shit burns going in. I sound like a crackhead again, I know. Hey, you get nothing but honesty here. Anywho, back to me, laying on the stretcher in the emergency room. After reading my discharge papers from the fibroid embolization surgery, the nurse quickly put in an IV, and the doctor approved the morphine (I didn’t ask for it BTW). The morphine was in a tiny vial, and that’s not what I remember getting in the ICU. IT WAS NOT THE GOOD SHIT. It did not burn going in, I did not hallucinate, I did not feel awesome, and it did not last a few hours! They had to keep giving me those tiny vials. It did ease the pain for about 45 to 90 minutes; however, it did not make it go away completely. They gave me the maximum dosage you can get in the emergency room. It was morning now so Mommy, and I figured we’d go on home while the morphine was still working since I wasn’t going to get anymore.

Popping that, Molly…..Hated it 😡

Either I’m the crackhead dealers try drugs on (testing its potency) or Molly (aka Percocet) ain’t shit! Taking more than the recommended dose eased the pain down some but didn’t make it stop. I took 30 in less than a week and only because they didn’t work that well. I didn’t get a buzz either, not in the slightest. Also, you have to take an anti-nausea pill before you take the Percocet or you’re in more trouble. I hear the drug mentioned in rap songs all the time. This was my first time using it and in my opinion, you are better off taking 3 or 4 over the counter tablets of ANYTHING for pain. In practice, Percocet didn’t do anything but make me not shit for 8 days. So, if constipation is the high you are chasing then have at it.

I Couldn’t Shit for 8 Days 🥵

Boy, I’d love to fart! Oh, I can’t shit either. I’m that type that will only go when I am at home, so I take shitting for granted. You will never know the value of taking a good shit until you have gone eight days without one. The doctor had to send me a prescription of little Vasoline bullets that I had to stick up my ass 2 times per day for me to finally go. When I finally did, it was like a Dragon blew fire up my ass!

Have you ever taken a shit that was so painful you had to stand up? I hope you never will because I have and let me tell you it is not cute or fun! I needed a nap afterward. Wonderful, now I have hemorrhoids. The next time somebody makes you really mad tell them, “ I hope you have to take a shit standing up.” Trust me; it is worse than saying, “Go straight to hell with gasoline drawers.” You can’t make this stuff up.

Sleeping in a Chair 😫

My grapefruit is on life support. In week 2, the pain was worse than week one, and I almost went back to the emergency room for more morphine. I called the doctor and told him I think my appendix has burst. However, I had no temperature, no nausea, no vomiting, and no other symptoms, just pain in on my lower right side. It, sort of like the pain you get when you drink water and run but times 1000. At my follow up visit, the doctor reminded me that was where the grapefruit-sized fibroid was on the outside of my uterus. It took the grapefruit a week to even start to die and thank God. I would not have been able to take the pain of all my fibroids dying at once.

When my grapefruit started to slowly die, I could no longer get in the bed because I couldn’t get back out. I couldn’t move that side of my body or OH HELL THE PAIN. As long as I was very still the pain didn’t get worse. I slept in my living room in 2-hardback chairs (I sat in one and one was under my feet) for 2 weeks.

Oxy – Whatever 🤨

When the doctor gave me the ass bullets to make me shit he also gave me 30 Oxycodone. It worked okay as long as I took it before the 4-hour mark ran out. That stuff runs out like clockwork. It didn’t make the pain go away either but it eased it down if I didn’t move around. I took it probably every 3 hours and sat still in the chair and only got up to go to the bathroom. I ate just enough to take medicine and not cause further complications.

It’s Raining Chicken 🐔Cutlets Out My Puss 🐈

In week 6, I was walking home and all of a sudden “gush.” I was thinking, “oh shit, I got my period, and I’m bleeding to death again.” I sped walked all the way home, could feel things coming out. On my worst discharge day since the fibroid embolization surgery, an overnight pad was more than enough. I was wearing one; however, I felt things leaking out of the overnight pad. I get home and run to the toilet, no blood, but it’s raining chicken pieces and goo. I swear what was raining out my cooch was indistinguishable from little pieces you would cut off a raw chicken breast (in color and texture and goo). I had to sit there for a while and let it happen.

The next 36 hours, I wore pampers and chicken parted through them. Yes, that much chicken was coming out. Now, the doctor did say that the fibroids would break down and come out. I expected this to happen over time. I did think the discharge was rather lite in the early weeks due to the number of fibroids I had. However, I was not expecting to expel so much in week 6, without warning, and mostly in 36 hours.

Mommy Grossed out by Chicken🤮

Mommy came over and I asked her if she wanted to see. She said no but I showed her anyway because there is NOBODY on earth you can show that to but your mother and I wanted to show somebody got-dang-it! You should have seen the face she made, LMFAO. She looked inside my unzipped stomach after I had the bowel obstruction surgery and didn’t flinch but chicken parts that fell out my puss she can’t take. Mommy can’t look at a chicken cutlet the same again. Trust me if the same happens after you read this then that amuses me to no end “I’m sick like that”.

My Overall Thoughts 🤔on Fibroid Embolization

Today, is almost the end of week six since fibroid embolization surgery and I have some chicken and goo still coming out, but overnight pads with wings can handle it. My grapefruit is not completely dead yet and still hurts a little at night but responds well to Aleve.

The jury is still out on whether or not (knowing what I know now) I would still have made the same decision to get it done. Something had to be done about the fibroids and only time will tell if the procedure was successful. I haven’t had a period yet but the blood flow is supposed to decrease dramatically. The discharge should decrease and the fibroids will continue to shrink down however there shouldn’t be any more pain. Whatever doesn’t discharge will shrink down to scar tissue and the shrinkage will continue for up to 6 months.

I can tell you that fibroid embolization recovery (for me) was more painful than bowel obstruction recovery and I was cut from stem to stern with that. It was not a tiny incision that you can’t find like the fibroid embolization surgery. It was a big fucking hole!

To be continued……..

1 COMMENT

  1. Thank God I’m a vegan…. why u had to do that to Mom… LMAO
    This was a refreshing, educational absolutely disgusting yet ridiculously funny event of your surgery. I am happy I had my hysterectomy cause that is too much unexpected stuff. I would have been FREAKING OUT… I hope that this gave others some insight as to what they might experienced as everyone is different.how great full am I of this blood and my farts…

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