You Don’t Look Crazy or Depressed

Not long ago, I stopped at a Mexican restaurant near my house. The bartender was asking where I was off to this evening. I told him about the overnight sleep clinic. He thought I was referring to an overnight psychiatric treatment center for non-violent crazy people. Kind of like, work release for “Nuts”! I explained, I had trouble sleeping, and the sleep clinic will be testing for sleep apnea. He commented several times how great it was the clinic wasn’t a mental health facility because I didn’t look crazy and sure didn’t look depressed. I seemed so happy, he commented, and that’s why he came over to talk. I laughed my ass off because my psychiatrist had been tapering up my Cymbalta in 20 mg increments over the last few weeks. I bet you didn’t see that one coming!

“My Crazy is High-Functioning Depression! What’s yours? I know you have one!”

Aah, sounds interesting, doesn’t it? Like some first world bullshit; that white people with money use; as an excuse to get away with bad behavior – sort of like Affluenza.

I Don’t Wear a Button Saying “Hi, I’m Depressed”?

If I didn’t tell you I’m depressed, you would never know it. I’m a master of hiding it. I spent my whole life perfecting it. I look good, I smell good, and I appear to have it all together. Well trust me, I do, and I don’t! I need help sometimes and I get it whenever I need it.

Why Do I Hide It, Am I Ashamed?

No, I’m not ashamed! It wouldn’t be very practical walking around with a sour puss all the time now, would it?

  • Would you want people looking at you and asking what’s wrong?
  • Would you want people watching you trying to read your mood and state of mind?
  • Would you want people treading lightly around you because they think you’ll spazz out and kill them?
  • Would you want to be passed over for promotions because people think you can’t handle life let alone the pressure of more responsibility?

I thrive on responsibility and power. So, don’t get me fucked up – there is no weakness here! I am less depressed when I don’t have time to be sad but not so busy that I don’t have time for self-care. There is a fine line between these two points!

What’s High Functioning Depression?

The clinical term for High-Functioning Depression is Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) known as Dysthymia or low-grade depression. It is more chronic but less severe than major depression and occurs in women twice oftener than men. Don’t think that PDD is not serious because it is considered low-grade depression. It is a severe and disabling disorder that shares many symptoms with other forms of clinical depression (psychologytoday.com, 2019).

What Are My Symptoms?

  1. Perfectionism
  2. Relentlessly critical of self
  3. Place considerable effort into everything I do
  4. Overeating
  5. Continuous self-doubt
  6. Excessive worry
  7. Minor things feel huge
  8. Sadness without a triggering event
  9. Moodiness
  10. Tired all the time

It’s like a waterfall because one symptom leads to another and so on.

Why Don’t You Just Snap Out Of It?

Why don’t I just snap out of it! Okay, who is the NUT now? If I could, I would! I can’t just snap out of it. However, I can control it. It takes careful planning. Sometimes, I need to get up, read several Bible passages, listen to Joel Osteen, drink tea and meditate. Sometimes, I need to hit up Instagram to see what stupid stuff the celebrities have done so I can forget about what’s going on in my head.

No Butts About Treatment!

There are a few things I do that a lot of people with High-Functioning Depression don’t do. I KNOW, and I ACCEPT that this is who I am and I treat it just like I would a hemorrhoid flare up! In conclusion, you wouldn’t let your butthole go untreated so if you have a mental health issue don’t let that go untreated either!

Read More About High-Functioning Depression:

Written by
The Cat
thecatsays@mymiddleclaw.com

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