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Surgery, Ain’t it a Bitch!

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Fibroid Embolization

Where Have I Been You Ask❓

No, I didn’t give up on writing. I had fibroid embolization surgery on April 11, 2019, and have been recovering ever since. Now just to prepare you for what I’m about to explain, the recovery time for the surgery is ten days, and the incision is tiny (less than an inch). It has been over a month and yes I’m still kind of recovering. Boy, do I have a story for you!

Why I Needed Fibroid Embolization Surgery ✔️

Fibroids, are like roaches! You get rid of one, and two more come. My gynecologist said the only options I have left are fibroid embolization surgery or a hysterectomy. A hysterectomy would have been risky due to my previous bowel obstruction, so fibroid embolization became my only option. I’ll give you a cheat sheet on my trials and tribulations with fibroids.

  • Symptoms
    • Painful and heavy periods lasting 14 days to a month
    • Severely anemic requiring multiple rounds of iron infusion
    • Fibroids grew so big they were pressing down on my bladder and couldn’t fully empty it, causing UTIs
    • Uterus the size of a second-trimester pregnancy
    • I’m sure I forgot something so think of the worst fibroid symptoms not included above and fill in here __.

Fibroid Removed Three Times

  • The first removal
    • no issues but formed scar tissue
  • The second removal
    • Fibroids removed had grown back bigger than the first
    • Caught pneumonia in the hospital and went to the ICU
    • Nurse tortured me, hallucinated from morphine, formed more scar tissue, stayed in the hospital for two weeks
  • The third removal
    • Fibroids removed had grown back bigger than the second
    • Belly blew up like a fat guy at the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest
    • The fibroid removal surgery caused the bowel obstruction (scar tissue got mixed with my intestine). I went to the ICU for the second time.
    • Bowel obstruction surgery (they took out a bunch of intestines) left me with a zipper stomach that had to be unzipped a few inches due to an infection
    • Unbeknownst to me, left the hospital with 3-inch long by a 3-inch deep hole in my belly. You could see my insides
    • Smelled like raw ground beef, stayed in the hospital for two weeks for the second time, had to learn how to walk again, hurt on and off for two years
  • They are back again – Fibroid Embolization Surgery 4/11/19

Well, It Started Out Fun 🙄

The actual surgery day was a lot of fun. My friend Hebel took me there. I didn’t think my Mother needed to go. I didn’t know It was a big deal based on my consultation with the doctor and what I had read but leave it to my ass or rather my uterus to kick things up a notch.

Lightning Bolt ⚡on my Vag

The last time I did hair removal on my cooch; I got a super itchy rash, so I vowed to let things do what they do. The cute Latin male nurse said he had to shave my Vag, so I told him to go for it. Okay, he didn’t quite make a lightning bolt, but that’s the story I’m telling!

Let’s Shrink and Kill Them ☠️

I was under local anesthesia like at the dentist. I hadn’t slept the night before out of nervousness, so I had a nice nap but woke up now and then to see what the medical staff were doing. The doctor used a real-time x-ray to guide the delivery of medicines to the uterus and fibroids. These medicines block the arteries that provide blood to the fibroids causing them to shrink and die. After that, I wasn’t in any pain. They discharged me with prescriptions for Percocet (for Pain), Aleve (for Inflammation), Senna (for constipation), and an antibiotic (to prevent any infection).

My First Ride in an Ambulance 🚑

I woke up around 6:30 PM feeling like my uterus was being pulled through my intestine and then being pulled through my pussy (if you can think of something worse then use that instead and insert here_____!) I called Mommy crying like a baby. She said, “I knew it, that’s why I didn’t go to sleep. I’m on my way”. The pain was getting worse and worse by the minute. Mommy gets here, and I’m crying and can’t move. She calls the ambulance, and off we go to the hospital. I like the triple-A treatment you get when they wheel your ass off the ambulance. [Mental Note: call ambulance next time I need to go to the emergency room]. BTW, when I got to the emergency room, I passed by a lady high off drugs with her pussy out. Anywho, my discharge papers said if my pain becomes unbearable to go to the emergency room for stronger medicine and Mommy gave that to them because I was busy crying.

My Descent into Crackheadness 🥶

I’m Your Momma, I’m Your Daddy, I’m that Sucka in the Alley!
Full disclaimer, I’ve had the good shit so I know good drugs! Hee Hee. Not many non-baseheads can say that……….and fuck you assholes that want to tough out severe pain drug-free. No, I’m not talking about street drugs. I’m talking about pharmaceuticals you get in the hospital after major surgery. Give me all you got and then some. Give me the button and I’ll press it until you wrestle it back out of my cold trembling hand. I kind of sound like a crackhead, right?

Morphine is a Helluva Drug! What is This? 😠

The good shit burns going in. I sound like a crackhead again, I know. Hey, you get nothing but honesty here. Anywho, back to me, laying on the stretcher in the emergency room. After reading my discharge papers from the fibroid embolization surgery, the nurse quickly put in an IV, and the doctor approved the morphine (I didn’t ask for it BTW). The morphine was in a tiny vial, and that’s not what I remember getting in the ICU. IT WAS NOT THE GOOD SHIT. It did not burn going in, I did not hallucinate, I did not feel awesome, and it did not last a few hours! They had to keep giving me those tiny vials. It did ease the pain for about 45 to 90 minutes; however, it did not make it go away completely. They gave me the maximum dosage you can get in the emergency room. It was morning now so Mommy, and I figured we’d go on home while the morphine was still working since I wasn’t going to get anymore.

Popping that, Molly…..Hated it 😡

Either I’m the crackhead dealers try drugs on (testing its potency) or Molly (aka Percocet) ain’t shit! Taking more than the recommended dose eased the pain down some but didn’t make it stop. I took 30 in less than a week and only because they didn’t work that well. I didn’t get a buzz either, not in the slightest. Also, you have to take an anti-nausea pill before you take the Percocet or you’re in more trouble. I hear the drug mentioned in rap songs all the time. This was my first time using it and in my opinion, you are better off taking 3 or 4 over the counter tablets of ANYTHING for pain. In practice, Percocet didn’t do anything but make me not shit for 8 days. So, if constipation is the high you are chasing then have at it.

I Couldn’t Shit for 8 Days 🥵

Boy, I’d love to fart! Oh, I can’t shit either. I’m that type that will only go when I am at home, so I take shitting for granted. You will never know the value of taking a good shit until you have gone eight days without one. The doctor had to send me a prescription of little Vasoline bullets that I had to stick up my ass 2 times per day for me to finally go. When I finally did, it was like a Dragon blew fire up my ass!

Have you ever taken a shit that was so painful you had to stand up? I hope you never will because I have and let me tell you it is not cute or fun! I needed a nap afterward. Wonderful, now I have hemorrhoids. The next time somebody makes you really mad tell them, “ I hope you have to take a shit standing up.” Trust me; it is worse than saying, “Go straight to hell with gasoline drawers.” You can’t make this stuff up.

Sleeping in a Chair 😫

My grapefruit is on life support. In week 2, the pain was worse than week one, and I almost went back to the emergency room for more morphine. I called the doctor and told him I think my appendix has burst. However, I had no temperature, no nausea, no vomiting, and no other symptoms, just pain in on my lower right side. It, sort of like the pain you get when you drink water and run but times 1000. At my follow up visit, the doctor reminded me that was where the grapefruit-sized fibroid was on the outside of my uterus. It took the grapefruit a week to even start to die and thank God. I would not have been able to take the pain of all my fibroids dying at once.

When my grapefruit started to slowly die, I could no longer get in the bed because I couldn’t get back out. I couldn’t move that side of my body or OH HELL THE PAIN. As long as I was very still the pain didn’t get worse. I slept in my living room in 2-hardback chairs (I sat in one and one was under my feet) for 2 weeks.

Oxy – Whatever 🤨

When the doctor gave me the ass bullets to make me shit he also gave me 30 Oxycodone. It worked okay as long as I took it before the 4-hour mark ran out. That stuff runs out like clockwork. It didn’t make the pain go away either but it eased it down if I didn’t move around. I took it probably every 3 hours and sat still in the chair and only got up to go to the bathroom. I ate just enough to take medicine and not cause further complications.

It’s Raining Chicken 🐔Cutlets Out My Puss 🐈

In week 6, I was walking home and all of a sudden “gush.” I was thinking, “oh shit, I got my period, and I’m bleeding to death again.” I sped walked all the way home, could feel things coming out. On my worst discharge day since the fibroid embolization surgery, an overnight pad was more than enough. I was wearing one; however, I felt things leaking out of the overnight pad. I get home and run to the toilet, no blood, but it’s raining chicken pieces and goo. I swear what was raining out my cooch was indistinguishable from little pieces you would cut off a raw chicken breast (in color and texture and goo). I had to sit there for a while and let it happen.

The next 36 hours, I wore pampers and chicken parted through them. Yes, that much chicken was coming out. Now, the doctor did say that the fibroids would break down and come out. I expected this to happen over time. I did think the discharge was rather lite in the early weeks due to the number of fibroids I had. However, I was not expecting to expel so much in week 6, without warning, and mostly in 36 hours.

Mommy Grossed out by Chicken🤮

Mommy came over and I asked her if she wanted to see. She said no but I showed her anyway because there is NOBODY on earth you can show that to but your mother and I wanted to show somebody got-dang-it! You should have seen the face she made, LMFAO. She looked inside my unzipped stomach after I had the bowel obstruction surgery and didn’t flinch but chicken parts that fell out my puss she can’t take. Mommy can’t look at a chicken cutlet the same again. Trust me if the same happens after you read this then that amuses me to no end “I’m sick like that”.

My Overall Thoughts 🤔on Fibroid Embolization

Today, is almost the end of week six since fibroid embolization surgery and I have some chicken and goo still coming out, but overnight pads with wings can handle it. My grapefruit is not completely dead yet and still hurts a little at night but responds well to Aleve.

The jury is still out on whether or not (knowing what I know now) I would still have made the same decision to get it done. Something had to be done about the fibroids and only time will tell if the procedure was successful. I haven’t had a period yet but the blood flow is supposed to decrease dramatically. The discharge should decrease and the fibroids will continue to shrink down however there shouldn’t be any more pain. Whatever doesn’t discharge will shrink down to scar tissue and the shrinkage will continue for up to 6 months.

I can tell you that fibroid embolization recovery (for me) was more painful than bowel obstruction recovery and I was cut from stem to stern with that. It was not a tiny incision that you can’t find like the fibroid embolization surgery. It was a big fucking hole!

To be continued……..

Define Your Crazy?

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You Don’t Look Crazy or Depressed

Not long ago, I stopped at a Mexican restaurant near my house. The bartender was asking where I was off to this evening. I told him about the overnight sleep clinic. He thought I was referring to an overnight psychiatric treatment center for non-violent crazy people. Kind of like, work release for “Nuts”! I explained, I had trouble sleeping, and the sleep clinic will be testing for sleep apnea. He commented several times how great it was the clinic wasn’t a mental health facility because I didn’t look crazy and sure didn’t look depressed. I seemed so happy, he commented, and that’s why he came over to talk. I laughed my ass off because my psychiatrist had been tapering up my Cymbalta in 20 mg increments over the last few weeks. I bet you didn’t see that one coming!

“My Crazy is High-Functioning Depression! What’s yours? I know you have one!”

Aah, sounds interesting, doesn’t it? Like some first world bullshit; that white people with money use; as an excuse to get away with bad behavior – sort of like Affluenza.

I Don’t Wear a Button Saying “Hi, I’m Depressed”?

If I didn’t tell you I’m depressed, you would never know it. I’m a master of hiding it. I spent my whole life perfecting it. I look good, I smell good, and I appear to have it all together. Well trust me, I do, and I don’t! I need help sometimes and I get it whenever I need it.

Why Do I Hide It, Am I Ashamed?

No, I’m not ashamed! It wouldn’t be very practical walking around with a sour puss all the time now, would it?

  • Would you want people looking at you and asking what’s wrong?
  • Would you want people watching you trying to read your mood and state of mind?
  • Would you want people treading lightly around you because they think you’ll spazz out and kill them?
  • Would you want to be passed over for promotions because people think you can’t handle life let alone the pressure of more responsibility?

I thrive on responsibility and power. So, don’t get me fucked up – there is no weakness here! I am less depressed when I don’t have time to be sad but not so busy that I don’t have time for self-care. There is a fine line between these two points!

What’s High Functioning Depression?

The clinical term for High-Functioning Depression is Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) known as Dysthymia or low-grade depression. It is more chronic but less severe than major depression and occurs in women twice oftener than men. Don’t think that PDD is not serious because it is considered low-grade depression. It is a severe and disabling disorder that shares many symptoms with other forms of clinical depression (psychologytoday.com, 2019).

What Are My Symptoms?

  1. Perfectionism
  2. Relentlessly critical of self
  3. Place considerable effort into everything I do
  4. Overeating
  5. Continuous self-doubt
  6. Excessive worry
  7. Minor things feel huge
  8. Sadness without a triggering event
  9. Moodiness
  10. Tired all the time

It’s like a waterfall because one symptom leads to another and so on.

Why Don’t You Just Snap Out Of It?

Why don’t I just snap out of it! Okay, who is the NUT now? If I could, I would! I can’t just snap out of it. However, I can control it. It takes careful planning. Sometimes, I need to get up, read several Bible passages, listen to Joel Osteen, drink tea and meditate. Sometimes, I need to hit up Instagram to see what stupid stuff the celebrities have done so I can forget about what’s going on in my head.

No Butts About Treatment!

There are a few things I do that a lot of people with High-Functioning Depression don’t do. I KNOW, and I ACCEPT that this is who I am and I treat it just like I would a hemorrhoid flare up! In conclusion, you wouldn’t let your butthole go untreated so if you have a mental health issue don’t let that go untreated either!

Read More About High-Functioning Depression:

Written by
The Cat
thecatsays@mymiddleclaw.com

The Death of Nipsey Hussle

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Nipsey Hussle was Relatable

I’m not into rap like I use to be – I prefer the old school (my old school – meaning early 2000s when I was a youngun). There are a few rappers that I listen to now, and one of them was Nipsey Hussle.  He had an allure about him.  Maybe it was the cute pics of him and his kids or him and Lauren London.  He seemed more relatable than these young bucks (who I can’t understand). Nipsey Hussle died after being gunned down outside his clothing store on the afternoon of Sunday, 3/31. He was 33 years old. There has been an outpouring of grief from celebrities who posted on social media. There was also a big showing of people in the neighboorhood who came to the store to console one another after the tragedy.

Biggie & Tupac

I’m old enough to remember when Tupac was shot and his killers were never caught. I was born and raised in New York, so here the death of Biggie was enormous. People dancing to the song Hypnotize in the streets of Brooklyn outside Biggie’s funeral. The streets mourned and people Spread love the Brooklyn way as Biggie had rapped about in his song Juicy. I still listen to Biggie. We got a Biggie film, but what we didn’t get was his killers brought to justice!

Shock

Am I the only one living in a bubble or were you shocked by this as well?  Somehow, after all the senseless violence back in the day, I thought we’d transcended this.  After all, from the reports I’ve seen so far, this was not a robbery so what was it then a hit? And if so, why was Nipsey murdered?

Conspiracies

According to CNN, Nipsey Hussle had been scheduled to meet the LAPD to discuss ways he could help stop gang violence. There are also conspiracy theories related to a documentary Nipsey Hussle was making about Dr. Sebi (who claimed to have found a cure for AIDS back in the 80s).  I don’t care much about conspiracy theories, beef, who said what and why – all I know is that somebody’s husband, father, brother, son and friend is dead.  At 33 years old, you’ve only lived a third of your life, and it’s too soon to be gone.  Especially when you started a business in and gave back to the community you grew up in. 

Doing His Thing

A man is making it, Nipsey Hussle taking care of his family and even nominated for best rap album this year at the Grammy’s.  Being shot down in the street is not supposed to happen to someone like Nipsey.  He’s doing everything right.  Perhaps, it’s making me think of my own mortality. Like Biggie and Tupac, he seemed to have that look and personality of someone you used to know back in the day.  It kind of makes you feel like it was a friend of yours that just passed. 

RIP

So, Rest in Peace Nipsey Hussle.  Hopefully, your friends and family will pick up the torch.  My wish is that whoever killed you will be brought to justice because we have seen that NOT happen too many times.  I don’t want that to happen again. 

Read More:

Vagina – How do you keep it clean and fresh?

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By happenstance, I found out that feminine products (although available in abundance) are not necessary in keeping your cooch clean and fresh.

Clean-Fresh-Kitty

How do you keep your vagina clean and fresh? Do you use soap, feminine wash or other feminine products? Is douching a part of your regimen? Do you wear panty liners for freshness outside of your menstrual period? How about sprays or powders?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are putting your vagina at risk for infection. Yes, I didn’t know this fact either and polling a few of my friends revealed they also were unaware. A few of them vowed to continue to use some of these products because they haven’t had any problems. Well, did they? Feminine products can mask symptoms of issues.

“According to my GYN, you are only supposed to wash your thing-thing with water!”

Feminine products have flooded the market. Newer and fancier products pop up every day with promises to make your box smell like everything from fruit to cake. Tricky marketing ploys make us believe it’s a necessity to use these products like underarm deodorant, but that’s false.

Hey-Fish-Twat

According to my GYN, excessive discharge and or fishy smells may be a sign pointing to infection. Feminine products mask those smells. So, if you have to use these products or your cooch will stink so bad you can’t stand it yourself (let alone have a man take a whiff) then there is something wrong girlfriend. I’m exaggerating to make a point but I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. If it stinks then you need to make an appointment with your doctor ASAP because chances are good you may have an infection.

“According to my GYN, Your vagina cleans itself.”

Infect-A-Box

Now when I say an infection, I’m not talking about sexually transmitted diseases so relax. I’m referring to Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) and according to my GYN, this infection is very common. I had it myself because I WAS a serial panty liner wearer and feminine wash user. However, I never noticed any smell or symptoms prior to the doctor telling me I had it — that magnificent feminine wash! I was prescribed a 7-day course of antibiotics to clear it up.

No Funky-Monkey

Now, I’m a recovering feminine product user, and it was hard to throw all those products in the trash. I’ve stopped using panty liners and my, GYN suggested I bring an extra pair of panties if I wanted to freshen up during the day. It has been a couple of weeks now, and my monkey is not funky using just water alone. I did like the squeaky clean feeling of the feminine wash; however, I prefer no squeak and no infection either.

Now, I’m no doctor so ask yours. In the meantime, to keep your vag on point — stay away from these products. If you stop, and then you stink down there, then you may have VD …… I mean BV. LOL!

Now y’all see why I don’t put my name on this stuff. I would never say what I say and put my name on it so a potential employer can Google me and read about the antibiotics I took for my infected Monkey!

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More Vagina Info:

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Written by
The Cat
thecatsays@mymiddleclaw.com

Bigger than Neverland!

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Oprah has been getting a lot of heat for the interview she did after the ‘Leaving Neverland’ documentary. I’ve heard it said that we don’t need any more negative representations of black men especially in the wake of the R. Kelly sexual abuse scandal. I’ve also heard it said that Michael is dead and can’t defend himself so this should have never come up.

Arguments

I want to refute one of these arguments. As for Michael Jackson and the black man comment, I will leave it to you to fill in the blanks “Blank Stare.”

Now as for Michael being dead, well my father molested me until he died when I was 5, I’m now 44. Does that mean, I’m less traumatized? Does that mean, I don’t have the right to speak on it because he’s not here to defend himself? No, it doesn’t. There is a lot of healing in speaking out.

Is it True?

Now, are they telling the truth, who knows? It’s not like, you as a child, know what’s going on and are collecting evidence to be used later to prove your claim. I don’t have any proof minus stories so graphic that no sane child or adult would make up about their father. Michael did some very questionable things. He did enough out in the open to make me uncomfortable with the possibilities when nobody was looking. Remember that old saying “Where there’s smoke there’s fire.” However, let’s take Michael Jackson out of the equation. If the average person did some of the crap he did, you wouldn’t need further proof to believe the accusers.

Inappropriate Behavior

You don’t have to go as far as having sex with a child for your behavior to be inappropriate. When I was a child, a neighbor would chase me trying to kiss me every time he saw me. He did this in front of my mother as if he was teasing. I didn’t like it one bit, and my mother said nothing. I’m guessing she felt uncomfortable but didn’t want to embarrass him. Considering I must have been around 5 or 6 at the time and thought about it while watching Oprah’s interview I would say it did traumatize me. Doing things like unwanted, chasing or touching (anywhere on the body) or anything that makes that child or their parents feel uncomfortable with your presence is just unacceptable. If you exhibit these types of behaviors, then there is something very wrong, and you should seek treatment immediately.

What’s the Value?

Oprah’s response to the haters was that this discussion is much bigger than Michael Jackson and I agree. If you have a child, you should take notice and watch Oprah’s interview. It talks about how predators groom children. The predator is not always the person you suspect. You would probably guess it would be the uncle that your son or daughter doesn’t like that’s the problem. It could be “the FAVORITE” uncle! It could be your most attentive friend or neighbor.

Had you asked me when I was four who I loved more, I would have told you, Daddy. Let that sink in.


See More on My Middle Claw

See More on ‘Leaving Neverland’

Get Free Online Resources at the Library!

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Get free online resources at the library

Content providers flood the market with their services they make money on by charging subscription fees. For that reason, I get spammed every day from companies offering ebooks, audiobooks, magazines, newspapers, online classes and the like. To lure you in, they offer significant discounts if you prepay for a year of service due to the competition.

What most people don’t realize is that they are wasting money on these paid services. New York City libraries provide many of these services and more for free. You may not be aware of all the library has to offer, so I’m here to let you know.

The only requirement is that you get a library card. Since you or your kids may already have one, you can start the fun now. If not, you can show up at the library and get one on the spot. All you have to do is fill out a short form and show ID.

Free Online resources at the Library

  1. Read Magazines – Time, The New Yorker, People, Essence are some of the hundreds of magazines available to read provided by Flipster with your library card.
  2. Read Newspapers – 2000+ current newspapers in the U.S and around the world provided by PressReader with your library card.
  3. Listen to Audiobooks and Read eBooks – Borrow eBooks, audiobooks, and more from your local public library – anywhere, anytime provided by Overdrive with your library card.
  4. Watch Movies Online – 30,000 films, documentaries, foreign language, and training videos, including The Great Courses, the Frontline series, and international movies provided by Kanopy with your library card.
  5. Learn a Second Language – Step by step interactive lessons on 71 languages provided by Mango with your library card.
  6. Learn In-Demand Skills – LinkedIn Company is an online educational site that includes over 5,700 courses in popular fields like web design, web development, IT, education/instruction, media production, and business provided by Lynda.com with your library card.
  7. Go to Museums – New Yorkers can reserve a pass and get free admission to dozens of NYC cultural institutions, including museums, historical societies, heritage centers, public gardens and more provided by Culture Pass with your library card.

The resource list above are just a few that I picked out; however, there is much more available. Check your local library website for a current offering. Other states may offer similar free online resources at the library. Do some research if you don’t live in New York. If you sign up because of this blog post then let me know in the comments.

Learn more about My Middle Claw!

Dr. Oz on Fibroids

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50% of all women will get fibroids!

Sexual Harassment – Predator in the office!

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When there is a predator in the office

After the mortgage meltdown, I consulted for five years at some of the top companies in the world.  One of those companies was a popular discount airline that you all use regularly.  There were at least 30 consultants there from my agency that consisted of various types of developers and project managers.  One of the developers sat behind me and often talked to me about what people were doing in the office, what’s going on in the news and what he did over the weekend.  He was divorced and had gotten custody of the kids and would often talk about the struggles of being a single dad.  He would also ask for advice in dealing with his teenage daughter.  He appeared friendly and harmless especially since he had gotten custody of his kids (a girl 16 and a boy 12).  I wasn’t romantically interested in him, but I enjoyed his company, and he wasn’t coming on to me, so I felt safe.   We sometimes snuck off to Roosevelt Field to window shop when the boss wasn’t around.  We also went to lunch together or with a few other consultants.  Let me warn you now that he didn’t remain nice so let’s refer to him as “Bad Guy” for the rest of the story.

There was another guy in the office that was a permanent employee and had worked there for quite some time.  He was a bad guy turned good and was now pastoring a church. He would take me home from work every day because we didn’t live too far from each other in Brooklyn (at the time) and the office was on Long Island.  Let’s call him “Good Guy.”   We had a lot in common however I wasn’t romantically interested in him either but did consider him a good friend.  Well one day, Good Guy mentioned that Bad Guy approached him and asked him to stay away from me because he was romantically interested.    I found this to be bold and aggressive for Bad Guy to approach my friend in this manner since everyone already thought Good Guy and I were together (we were not but Bad Guy didn’t know that).  Additionally, Bad Guy didn’t ask how I felt before he approached another guy.  My feelings did not seem relevant in his pursuit of me.

I decided that it wasn’t appropriate for me to call Bad Guy out on approaching Good Guy because that would probably escalate things between them.  I felt the best approach was to distance myself from Bad Guy and let my actions show I wasn’t interested since he never came out and told me he had any romantic interest.  As I said, he sat behind me, so it wasn’t easy to ignore him, but I just gave yes or no answers, didn’t respond to his stories or turn around and didn’t include stories of my own.  I refused lunch outings with him and let the other women know what was going on so they wouldn’t initiate lunch outings with him and me.

He then started speaking with the other women in the office about me.  He was asking them why I wasn’t talking to him and telling them he always has problems with women.  Their response to him was that I wasn’t interested in him and to leave me alone.  However, he wouldn’t let up.  He didn’t know everyone was telling me every time he mentioned my name.

The Harassment Starts

It started innocently, well so I thought.  He started saying how great my jeans were and then it escalated to how great I look in them.  Then the reckless eyeballing began.  I would turn around, and he’s staring at my butt and wouldn’t stop when he knew I saw him doing it.  It eventually escalated further to IMs (on the company network) of how sexy I am and how round and plump my ass is which I would respond to with a vomit emoji.  I didn’t know whether I should pity him or be afraid of him.

On Fridays, it was my responsibility to get a status update from all the developers so I could put together and overall project status update.  I asked Bad Guy for his status, and his response to me was “I’ll give it to you after you go to lunch with me.”  I told him I need to get my work done and I don’t have time for games so please provide the update.  His response again “You’ll get it after you go to lunch with me.”  I lost it!  I’ve never felt so victimized and belittled in the office.  After screaming at him and demanding that he do his job by providing an update, he gave me a look that I took to mean that I would regret rejecting and embarrassing him.  Then he goes on to tell me that he didn’t like my tone and because of that I can now only communicate with him through email.  This man was sexually harassing me, and now he’s trying to flip it on me since I screamed at him for harassing ME.  After all, everyone in our section saw me yelling at him.  I saw him looking around making sure the men were taking notice.

The Cat Strikes Back

The first thing I did was write down everything he had done.  The second thing I did was call the agency and report him, and they responded that they would investigate.  Then I went to my manager (his manager as well) and informed him that I had to report Bad Guy to the agency for sexual harassment.  He wanted examples of some of the things he was doing and saying so I had mentioned the text about my bottom.  He was as disgusted as I was and said let’s wait to see what the agency does since we all worked for them.

Meanwhile, Bad Guy declared war on black women (he was of another race).  He started harassing another black woman in the office, and she called the agency and reported it as well.  She did it at her desk loud enough for him to hear.  I saw him speaking to the men, so I guess he was putting a story together just in case he needed one.  I’m sure he noticed I was very calm and quiet which is unlike me and was wondering what I had up my sleeve.  He didn’t know I had reported him first and went into graphic detail about the things he was saying and doing to me.

The Agency Responds

I went to lunch, and when I got back, the company had locked me out of the computer.  I went to my manager, and he told me to call the agency.  I called them, and they told me to come to the corporate office at 9 AM the next day, bring my ID, computer and any other equipment that belongs to the company. Yes, I’m just as shocked as you!  I found out later that they also told the other black woman and him the same thing!

“Well, I will let you know before you read further that they clearly “Had Me Fucked Up”!  If there is one thing I learned, it is to cover your own ass! “

Boss Bitch Wear Your Crown!

I put on my interview suit and my brightest smile and went to their fancy park avenue address.  Their VP and Head of HR escorted me to a conference room. They had such serious looks on their faces, and I had a smile on mine. VP started to talk, and I cut him off.  I said, “Before you speak, I want to let you know that I have been the victim of sexual harassment by another consultant who is also employed by you.  You had my computer access blocked; however, I still have multiple pieces of evidence to prove the harassment. I have printed copies. Would you like to see them?”  They looked at each other and said “No” in unison.  They both looked at each other again, and then HR spoke.  He said” I’m sorry you dealt with that and we have a no tolerance policy.   We wanted to let you know that we will be letting him go today.  He’s here today, and we want to make sure you are safely away from the building before we do that.  Is there anything we can do for you?”  I said “Yes, you can pay me for the day since I wasn’t allowed to work due to being sexually harassed.  You can also let my manager know that I will be back tomorrow, and I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Aftermath

After my computer got locked, I packed up my stuff and went home.  The other consultants and employees were watching me and didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t say anything.  One minute they saw me screaming and the next minute they saw me gathering my things mid-day.  An hour later they saw the other black woman gathering her things, and then Bad Guy.  It was the biggest scandal that ever rocked that office.  Nobody knew what was happening, so they were making up all kinds of things.  One story I heard was that the other black woman and I were let go for harassing Bad Guy, and so they let him go home early.  We had waited outside for him and beat him senseless.  He was in the hospital recovering.  I got such a laugh out of that one!

After everything was over and done with and the agency called my manager, a meeting was called with the staff that afternoon. My manager explained to the team what happened and that Bad Guy was let go.  The next day, some of the managers came over to me and said they were glad I was back.  A few also said if anything else like that ever happens again to let them know.  I got some nasty looks from some of the men who were friends of his (behind my back).  However, they were not bold enough to do it in my face so I could care less.  What kind of man makes faces behind a woman’s back and then pretends he wasn’t doing it when she turns around.

Lessons Learned

  • Always keep a paper trail with dates and times.   As you see, if you report harassment you may be blocked from your computer and will not have access to the proof you need.  Take a screenshot with your phone (not a phone issued by the company).
  • I know this is a hard one, but if you have someone, you can trust then let them know.  You can have the trusted person watch, so you have a witness if you need one or help block if they see the harasser invading your space.
  • There is no shame in getting support!  You should never feel alone in any predatory situation. Sometimes you can fight harder without using your fists, but you need to know how.  Go to therapy if you need to.  Whatever you do, don’t let the creep make you feel afraid to come to work.  Take back the power he or she is trying to take away from you.
By The Cat
MyMiddleClaw.com

Are FIBROIDS wreaking havoc on our health and wellbeing?

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Fibroid authority  

I bet you’re wondering why I have the nerve to talk about fibroids and give advice since I’m not a doctor. Well, no, I’m not a doctor, but I’ve had fibroids for 20 years and have been bleeding to death for most of that time. That qualifies me in being an authority on fibroids, and if not, I’m claiming it anyway! You have a doctor and should always follow his or her instructions, but I’ll share my stories, and other people may share theirs. Take from these stories what helps and then talk to your doctor.

The largest fibroid I ever had was the size of a grapefruit, and my current super fibroid is the size of a pear. My uterus is the size of a third-trimester pregnancy. I’ve been so anemic that iron supplements just didn’t cut it and I can only tolerate one brand (more on that another day). I’ve had iron infusion treatments at least once a year for the last few. There are multiple kinds of iron treatments, and one type stained my skin for over a year (more on that another day). I’ve had the fibroids removed a few times (myomectomy), and they always grew back larger and stronger. I’ve had complications from myomectomies that landed me in the ICU, and 2 separate two-week hospital stays. The first time I caught pneumonia and the second time a bowel obstruction (more on that another day). The surgeon said I had developed lots of scar tissue and it looked like a grenade had gone off in my belly. He said he never wanted to operate on me again (more on that another day).

I’ve gone to the emergency room a few times due to heavy bleeding and been told I have Pelvic Inflammatory disease (PID) because I’m a black woman of childbearing age (more on that another day). I did not have PID, I have fibroids, and they cause lots of symptoms and complications. Emergency room doctors told me to use condoms, and that my symptoms are related to having had multiple STDs. I was not sexually active at the time nor did I ever have an STD and communicated that. I did not test positive for any STD the emergency room doctors had checked for; however, this diagnosis was repeated because I’m black (YES).

Therefore, one of the reasons I started this blog is because we all need to feel empowered to be an advocate for our own healthcare and those whom we are responsible for! Our skin color, social-economic status, sexual orientation or anything not related to us as individuals and our own relevant medical history should not be used to assign a false condition when a doctor just doesn’t know what’s wrong with you. You have to go to the doctor, and you have to go often. If what you are being told doesn’t sound correct then challenge it and then go to another doctor. Ask for referrals from friends who have your condition and found a doctor who is actually doing something about it. You most likely will have to switch doctors a few times. That’s fine, your health is more important than the doctor’s personal feelings, and it is a professional relationship, not a personal one (if that is a concern of yours). Find a doctor who listens, treats your issues, and respects you as an individual.

So, again, no I’m not a doctor, but all the above qualifies me as an authority on fibroids. I’m going to get into detail on all the things I’ve gone through. What has worked for me and what hasn’t? Along the way, I got good advice from a few doctors, and I’ll share that.

I encourage you to share your stories and what has and has not worked for you.

Biopsy & IUD Removal

ge by felixioncool on Pixabay

I’m having a biopsy this week in preparation for my next surgery to deal with those pesky fibroids. Due to my complicated uterus, the biopsy must be done under anesthesia. While the doctor is in there scraping, I’m going to have her take out my IUD which was put in place to control bleeding (more on that another day). Once my gynecologist gives the all-clear that there is no cancerous tissue, then I can go ahead and schedule the Fibroid Embolization.

Endometrial Biopsy Explained

Fibroid Embolization

Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE), is a minimally invasive procedure performed by a radiologist. The radiologist explained to me that he would administer a drug through an IV. The drug will block the arteries that feed blood to the fibroids causing them to die. He said there would be cramping, and spotting and the recovery time is one week. He said a small percentage of women may need stronger pain management than they send you home with. If that happens, then you’ll need to go to the emergency room for the good stuff. My gynecologist also said that sometimes embolization doesn’t work. The body is an amazing vessel, even though you have removed the blood source the fibroids may find another.

Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE) Explained

Blogging Starts Tomorrow & The Store is Open!

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READY, READY, READY….well, I will be tomorrow. 

It has been a little over a week since I decided to start a blog and since then I also added a store.

I’ve been working around the clock and enjoying every minute.  So I guess I’m ready as I’ll ever be and will start blogging tomorrow (Saturday).  I still have a few minor tweaks to take care of, but I’m not going to let that stop the show.

When you’ve been working around the clock and still love it is when you know you are meant to do what you’re doing.

I want to thank you all for reviewing, giving feedback, looking at logos and telling me to go for it. Your support means the world to me. 

You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest at MyMiddleClaw.  I’ll friend you if you don’t friend me first. 

So, Ladies and maybe a few Gents, hold up your paw and stick up your claw

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